Aida Kaman Stephens
February 04, 2005, 09:49 PM
Sapphire's birth story
Picture by kind permission of St?phane Rocher PhotographyIt is hard to know where to start a birth report when you have been lucky enough to experience continuity of care from two fantastic independent midwives.
Whilst the actual ‘Birth day’ was of course the most important in the overall experience it would not have been as positive and possible without the care and advice leading up to it.
We moved to West Sussex in late December 2003 with starting a family in mind. We went to register with our local GP in early January and when he asked us if we needed a prescription for contraception we told him of our plans. “See you next month”, he said as we left the surgery. Oh how we laughed on the walk home thinking it would take much longer than that.
The very next month we were back in his surgery as my period was late, a home pregnancy testing kit had shown a negative result but I had sharp abdominal pains. He was concerned that although we may have in fact conceived, the pregnancy may have been ectopic and sent us for a scan at the early pregnancy unit. It took two visits both with very long waits involved before the pregnancy was confirmed. Our experience meant we left feeling that we were carrying an illness needing treatment rather than a brand new life. On the journey home after the second visit I said to my husband Roger “I am not sure I want to go back there again and even surer still I didn’t want our baby to be born there.” “I agree.”, e responded immediately as if he had been waiting for me to say it so we set about researching other options.
The more pregnancy books and websites we read the more we become convinced that a 25% chance of coming home with major abdominal surgery in addition to our baby were odds we didn” want to gamble with. We read both Miriam Stoppard and Shelia Kitzinger to start with despite comments from another customer in the bookshop that ‘All those books are pretty much the same.’ We went ahead anyhow and purchased them both and what a good decision that was! Figures available from the birth choice website also suggested that the chances of having a forceps, ventouse and or episiotomy in hospital were greater than we liked the sound of. In addition the reality that after the birth Roger would, in all likelihood, travel home alone seemed completely counter to why we had decided to become a family in the first instance.
Searching on the internet we found details of Sussex midwife Mary Cronk, whose reputation we were then unaware of. She sounded like the answer to our prayers. When we telephoned her she explained that she was close to retirement but may be able to share us with a colleague and told us all about Aida.
Aida came to visit us a few days later in the evening and we warmed to her straight away. As we were able to arrange all subsequent visits for evenings and weekends both of us were equally involved in the antenatal care right from the start. This is something, which would not have been possible for us, under NHS care, due to work commitments and made a huge contribution to our overall positive experience.
After she left we discussed how we could afford to pay for her care. We agreed to sacrifice holidays and are currently driving a car rather smaller than is ideal for a new family! Sacrificing holidays as it happened turned out to have a rather positive upside as, due to accruing so many days leave, Roger has been able to benefit from a rather larger than normal time at home with his new family.
Picture by kind permission of St?phane Rocher PhotographyBy this time we both had a post birth vision in our minds. The three of us sat up in our bed, in our bedroom drinking champagne. As giving up drinking alcohol had proved rather more difficult than I had imagined Roger agreed that he too would give up drinking with me for the duration of the pregnancy. Something that has often caused looks of distain from other males. This visualisation proved immensely helpful for us both.
By the time we were three months pregnant we had met Mary as well and monthly visits, usually lasting about an hour, were alternated between our two midwives. The discussions were always lively, entertaining and thought provoking and after a few months we both began to look forward to them immensely. Without fail every visit Mary and Aida would have a new angle on our situation that we had yet to consider (we have yet to meet anyone who says the same about being kept waiting at an ante natal clinic.)
Despite confusion about our dates, the difference between the LMP date (due 21st October) and the date given to us by the early pregnancy scan (November 14th) was three weeks we decided against a 20-week scan. We had read more about scans by this time and were unconvinced of their usefulness for our circumstances (more on this later!!)
The summer was fantastic and after the early hiccup the remainder of the pregnancy went without a hitch. I felt radiant, calm and totally at peace until the insomnia struck in early October. Listening to the baby?s heartbeat at home was very comforting and by the summer even the future grandparents had been able to listen in too.
One ‘advantage’ of our decision to opt out of a twenty week scan was that we never had a target ‘due date.’ As Mary and Aida reminded us most babies arrive anywhere between 38 and 42 weeks and that we were to await events with interest. This was great advice and whilst we are sure the focus would not be so strong in subsequent pregnancies the absence of a specific day helps manage not just your own expectations but those of immediate family as well!!
From before the baby?s head had engaged I was aware of a strange ‘pinching sensation’ in my vagina. It was slightly uncomfortable but not painful. I couldn’t find the words I needed to describe it properly at the time and several searches in books and on the Internet proved fruitless so I dismissed it. I did, however, mention it to Aida who included it in my notes.
In September we enrolled in NCT antenatal class. We were the only home birthers at the start and after every class we jumped in the car home and whilst digesting the new facts learnt one of us would say ?I am so glad we are planning to have our baby at home? Every story about our class mates experiences for us reinforced our decisions and made us realise how lucky we had been to have had such straight talking advice delivered in our own home and with us both present.
By the end of October our baby had still not arrived and we (I!) were growing impatient. As a person not known for her patience when every day of those two weeks felt like a month I surprised even myself with my newfound patience. Although I knew the insomnia was making things worse I was finding it harder to put my trust in nature. Plus the celebratory soft cheeses I had bought for myself as a post pregnancy treat were becoming distinctly pongy and I needed further guidance on whether to bite the bullet and throw them away!!
On Guy Fawkes Friday afternoon, when we were exactly 42 weeks pregnant by LMP dates, we went for a scan at the Nuffield in Brighton (and did most of our Christmas shopping too!) The scan put our minds at rest and I relaxed considerably. The scan apparently showed that the baby had bags of room and a healthy placenta. We spent Friday night telling friends and relatives that the arrival of junior, the name we adopted for our unborn baby, could be some weeks off yet. I also moved out of the way all of the things for the birth and new baby I had laid out thinking ?I won?t be needing you for a while!?
Three days later on the following Tuesday morning I awoke at about 4am feeling distinctly different! My waters had not broken and there was no ‘show’ but contractions were coming and much closer together from the start than we were expecting. After just over an hour Roger phoned Aida - she instructed him to monitor for a further hour. At the time I remember thinking if this is not the real thing how on earth am I going to go through this again!
Straight away I knew it felt right to be in our own home. With contractions 4 minutes apart right from the very beginning the moment to fit in a journey to hospital just never presented itself. Roger literally wrapped a big protective blanket around me right from the very start and I retreated into myself very early on knowing that I was totally safe and protected. When telling me to breathe didn’t work he simply tried a different tact and breathed through every contraction with me. Something he later confessed had left him completely light headed!!
I was very sick in the early stages something which came as a surprise to me. We had purchased a tasty selection of drinks and snacks, which I had hoped to be munching on all the way through. I was also sick on two subsequent occasions and unable to hold down any foods.
Aida arrived at about 8am and we alternated between the bedroom and bathroom and using the birthing ball. We were laughing and chatting and working through the crossword together and by the time this day finally arrived she felt like a trusted old family friend.
By about mid day the endorphins had finally kicked in and I was sleeping and snoring soundly in between contractions. (All two minutes of it!)
At 2pm I had woken up and my waters had broken. At least I think that I what had happened with hindsight. At the time I proudly announced to the room that I had wet myself!! The pain was beginning to increase and so I requested gas and air. Mary had arrived by this time and was sitting peacefully in the corner reading The Guardian from cover to cover. I remember thinking I never seem to find the time to read the paper all the way through!!
The transition stage was as turbulent as the books had suggested. Although I was unaware of it at the time, I snapped at Roger who had been massaging my back for over ten hours by this time and told him that he was doing it in the wrong place! Not long after this comment I announced to the room that I wished to resign to hoots of laughter from the others.
I had several baths during the afternoon, I say afternoon it really could have been anytime I was totally unaware! Just before climbing into one of the baths I had a very strong contraction whilst sat on the toilet. This was a big mistake but I had been unable to stand up in time. I had seriously over tensed my gluteal muscles as a result and was unable to relax them for some considerable time after. Something I feel with hindsight clearly slowed my progress. If I had realised in advance just how explosive the explosive stage was going to be I think I would have simply done it standing up. It makes me laugh when I think back to the care and attention I paid to going to the toilet properly!
The pushing stage was longer and harder than I had expected. Progress seemed slow and when, despite telling me I was nearly there, Mary decided to go and move her car I knew there was much more to go! Mary kept telling me off for not stopping on the gas between contractions but each one seemed to be followed by a mini aftershock that ended only seconds before the next one started again. Even so I was informed again that things were ‘moving along nicely’.
I think it was at about this point Aida announced, “Oh good, the Chinese takeaway will still be open!”
So I really started pushing then. I found out later that our neighbours had gone out for the evening. I wish I had known that in advance as making a noise really seemed to help.
Aida used her hand to guide the baby out. I am not sure whether it was the hand (Aida’s) or the head (the baby’s) that hurt more but I remember saying please don?t do that it is really hurting me! I feel so terrible about that now. Aida helped me to deliver a nearly 9lb baby without a single cut or tear. Something for which I shall be eternally grateful. We feel certain that our speedy recovery from the delivery played a huge part in our early success bonding as a family.
When Mary and Aida told us the baby had blond hair a dark brown haired Katie looked at her red haired husband with some surprise. Within 24 hours of her birth her hair colour had changed completely to match her Dads.
The mystery of the pinching sensation was also solved. The baby was a compound presentation which means that the hand is on the head - a position often reverted to during a long and satisfying breastfeed! Perhaps our early view of scans had been correct after all as this had not been identified only 5 days previously even though the pinching sensation had existed for some weeks.
Picture by kind permission of St?phane Rocher PhotographyOur baby was born at about 9:30pm after almost 17 hours of labour. I was on all fours holding on to the headboard with Roger next to me encouraging me as I felt the baby slide out. I turned around as Aida encouraged me to pick the baby up straight away. Holding the baby in my arms we moved the umbilical cord to one side. She was a blue purple colour to start with but with that first intake of breath she turned instantly pink. She was perfect, beautiful and very slimy. Roger sat next me and Mary and Aida left the room leaving us to discover our still attached brand new baby. She opened her eyes for the first time and looked up at us. Words cannot describe the feeling. It brings tears to my eyes just typing it some two months on. I looked at Roger and his eyes were rather dewy to. We were so lucky that her first view of the world was us (although she might have different thoughts on this when she is older!) I wonder often how many babies open his or her eyes for the first time in front of someone who perhaps hardly even notices!
Although Mary and Aida only left us alone for a few moments it felt like an eternity and was an incredibly special time. They came back into the room and delivered the placenta naturally about 17 minutes after the birth. No injections of vitamin K or seratonin were needed.
I often think how amazing it is that when she was a week old Baby Sapphire had only been held by about eight people. Mary and Aida and her immediate family.
Roger went to make some phone calls and Mary put baby Sapphire and I in the bath together, which was wonderful. I felt I had literally lost pounds in sweat and was amazed to feel so slim (relatively!) again so quickly!
After our bath we returned to the bedroom. Aida had totally cleared away and remade the bed. The three of us climbed into bed and with Mary and Aida perched on either corner we tucked into a well-deserved glass of champagne. Our first drink for almost eleven months. It was delicious. Soon after Mary and Aida left us to get to know our new baby and we sat in the bed for ages just looking at her and sipping our champagne just in the way we had often imagined that we would. We were also discussing how soon we could do it all again! Something I think that came as a surprise to us both.
Mary returned the next morning and visits were alternated for the next ten days. After day one Baby Sapphire had guzzled all the colostrums milk and there was a window of nearly 48 hours before anymore appeared. Roger was superb and his finger acting as a nipple substitute may still be withered from the experience. Aida helped and encouraged us by expressing a small amount of milk to get baby sapphire started. It is brilliant having someone who has known you throughout your pregnancy and laboured with you help you get started on breast-feeding. It is easy to see why so many people throw in the towel in those early days without proper support. Different positions and ways of wrapping the baby all helped.
After three days I was out and about feeling fit and fresh. I had never imagined that recovery would be so quick.
When people asked us which hospital we were planning to have our baby in and we said “at home”. 90% of them said “How brave!”, it came to be a standard response. But now it is all over I think staying at home, for us was a rather cowardly option. For us brave is taking your chances with 25% chance of c-section, having unnecessary and painful vaginal examinations, episiotomy, ventouse, forceps and stitches. Labouring with someone you have never met before. Exposure to MRSA, letting a stranger handle your newborn baby. Those things are brave.
The arrival of baby Sapphire has changed our lives forever and made our relationship stronger and deeper than ever. We literally fell in love all over again during the birth as we both surprised each other with our relative strengths. An experience, which could so easily have been so different. We have quickly realised that gathering information to help us in selecting from different options is not something that ends here. Responsible parenting is a life long commitment. Decisions now need to be made about vaccinations, education and the like but we feel that if our birth choices are any reflection on the future then life as a trio rather than a duo is going to be better than alright!