Aida Kaman Stephens
January 22, 2005, 01:26 PM
Having a Baby
Raphael-Leff (1991) wrote;
‘The manner in which birth is conducted in any given culture serves as an index of social values and reflect community beliefs about women, men, babies and bodies.’
So what does our birthing ritual say about us who live in a society where women predominantly give birth in hospitals, subjected to rigid guidelines, restricted in mobilty and strapped to the conveyor belt of mass baby production because the experts know best.
Pregnancy is often seen as an illness and health professionals seem keen to protect women from themselves. How could mothers possibly know what is right for them after just nine months of pregnancy when health professionals themselves don’t seem to after all those years of training (Please do note the hint of sarcasm in my voice).
My role as a midwife, and I do believe it is so for all midwives, is as the gatekeeper of pregnancy and childbirth. I am here to support the family in making the decisions they deem appropriate for them. Sometimes I am asked what I would do if it I were them, my answer will always be the same - “I will never be you.” I strive to assist parents in realising that they are exercising their parental rights when they make decisions during pregnancy and childbirth. Noone else should have more say over it. At the end of the day, it is them who really will be left holding the baby!
This reminds me of a gem that a colleague shared with me. Couples nowadays get told when is the best time to conceive and what are the best screening tests to have to ensure they have the perfect baby. They get told by the health professionals what the childbearing woman should eat and the media pushes onto them what they should be buying for their precious bundle. They also get told where they should have their baby and heaven forbids if they want it at home. “It is in our interest that at the end of the day, you go home with a live baby”, they say.
They then get told when they should birth their baby and how long it should take. After the birth, the baby gets given a drug as “all the babies who get delivered here get it” and “you don’t want to risk your baby bleeding to death.” To these, the parents consent to, overwhelmed by all the decision making that parenting ensued.
Once they are at home with their baby, they are told how long their baby should sleep and how often their baby should feed. Self help books endorsing ‘controlled crying’ for their baby are heralded as gospel by friends and relations. Follow the regime and you will get your life back.
Health Visitors turn up informing them of the acceptable rate at which their child is expected to grow and when they should cease breastfeeding. “Immunisations? Surely you’re having those. They’re all safe, you know. My children had them all.”
Then off to nursery school the child goes, barely out of nappies. “Mum might like to find a nice part time job at the supermarket while we take care of your child for the morning.”
The child gets taught that the sky is blue, the grass is green and you are being just silly if you paint it differently.
School then takes over and the child get told what she should be interested in learning.“Never mind what Romeo felt when he first saw Juliet, they both died in the end. Here’s a summary as we have no time to read the entire play, we have a syllabus to complete.”
After all this, when it has been drummed into the parents’ head that raising a child is a multidisciplinary, inter-professional partnership where parents have no more than an equal say in it all, what does society say when the child falls foul of what is acceptable behaviour?
“I blame the parents.”
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